Memories
by StMomo
Summary: And Nana remembers her life, the ghosts of her memories. A Nana Sawada one-shot for omgpink.


Everyone is, once again, out, gone from the house, leaving it empty and silent. Nana is the only occupant, folding clothes on her bed, humming to try to cover the silence. She's been tidying up, trying to keep herself busy but all the jobs as done and the last piece of laundry folded. She started to put the clothes away, taking as much time as she could, trying to prolong the chore so that she wouldn't be back to that, that stretch of time where she had nothing to do with herself, where she had nothing to occupy her mind with. But nothing can be prolonged forever and all too soon, she'd put the last of the clothes away, straightening out Tsuna's drawer as she did so. 'That no-good Tsuna never can keep anything clean,' she thought as she closed the drawer, smiling softly.

But now she had nothing to do and she wandered back to her room to put away the laundry basket, trying to rack her mind for some way to keep herself going, to keep herself from just sitting and staring at the walls, silently going crazy under that near-constant smile. As she hurried to the bed, picking up the basket, her eyes scanned her room, looking for some form of entertainment. She'd already finished the paperbacks on her side-table, cheap romantic fluff that didn't require much thought. Her room was neat and tidy; she couldn't even fuss about it, rearranging and reorganizing it. That's when her eyes fell upon the heavy chest at the foot of her bed. Large and old, it had been Nana's since she was born, a gift from her mother. When she was young, it had been her toy box. When she was a teenager, it had been her 'hope chest', a place where she stored precious little mementos like love letters and old bouquets beside practical gifts for her future life as lover, wife, and mother, such as delicate china and lace tablecloths. Now it was her storage area, a handy place to keep things that she wouldn't throw away but that she had no room for or need for. It was the place she kept her past, from Tsuna's old baby clothes to old photos and knick-knacks.

Setting the basket back on the bed, she slowly walked towards the chest, coming to kneel in front of it. Her hands softly ran over the lid of the chest, the old wood soft from time under her fingers. She smiled, the expression tinged with sadness. She hadn't been in the chest in years and she quite forgot what all was in it now. She wanted to open it tonight though, to take that walk down memory lane, to all the happy, joyous memories. Her hands reached out and undid the heavy brass fastenings keeping the lid closed before reaching up to lift the lid, the smell of cedar, rich and comforting, blending slightly with the sharp sting of mothballs filling her nose as the lid opened, revealing her treasures inside.

She peered inside at the mess of old 'treasures', stuff she couldn't bear to part with. A true smile came to her face then, gazing in at remnants of her past, of her life. A pop of blue caught her eye and she reached in, shuffling items until the blue became clearer, a doll's dress. Gently, she picked up the old porcelain doll, gazing at it, her smile once again tinged with sadness and nostalgia. Miko, that was what she had called it. The ivory of the skin had long since became yellowed with age, the beautifully painted features still beautiful, the thick black hair falling on the pretty blue dress the doll was clad in. It had been her favorite toy when she was a child and she'd spent many hours happily playing house, Miko as her baby. She'd looked forward to someday passing it onto her own daughter. But that hadn't happened, had it? Nana remembered her nose stinging as tears started to gather despite her attempts at pushing them away, that when Tsuna was two years old, she'd gotten pregnant again. She'd just known that that child would be the daughter she wished for, the beautiful little girl with her hair and Iemitsu's wonderful eyes she'd dreamed of. But the pregnancy had been difficult and she'd miscarried. And that doctor, the devil himself to her, had told her the news, of how she'd never been able to carry another child, of how the pregnancy had gotten complicated and of how it had made her infertile. No daughter for you, Nana. Nana looked down at the doll, setting it on the floor beside her. She remembered I-Pin, one of the many children she'd welcomed into her home recently, one of the many children she'd try to play mother to, expanding her own family in the only way she knew how. Maybe I-Pin would like the doll, a pretty doll for a pretty little girl.

She gazed back into the chest, her hands reached in to shuffle through the stuff, fingers running over ghost fragments of her past. They skated over knick-knacks and old clothing before skimming over cold glass. Looking at the item she was touching, she smiled happily, pulling out the glass paned shadow box containing a single pressed red rose, its colors long since faded and worn. It still looked as beautiful to her as the first time she'd been given it though. Her mind drifted back to another memory, the memory of the first time she'd met the man who would capture her heart and become her husband, the love of her life. She'd just been a school girl then, on her way home from school. She always took the long way home, her path always winding through the park with its lush green landscaped. That had been where she'd first seen Iemitsu, a beautiful young man sitting on a bench, looking at the ground, a lovely red rose loosely held in his hands. She'd noticed his hair first, the bright blond strands seeming to her to be a river of gold. It was a color she'd never encountered in her day to day life in Japan. The second thing she'd noticed was how sad he looked. He looked lost and lonely and it had pulled on her heartstrings, drawing her to him. She couldn't help herself from going over; from wanting to make sure he was alright. He'd given her a weak smile at first and tried to wave it off but she found out soon enough that he'd been stood up. She remembered her next words all too clearly. 'Well then, I might not be a good replacement, but if you'd like, I'll be happy to spend the afternoon with you.' Nana chuckled softly, remembering how his face had lighted up and how he'd readily agreed, thrusting the rose at her with a cheesy grin. It had been their first date, the first of many.

Setting the shadow box back in the chest, she went back to her searching. Ah, was it? Yes, yes it was! Nana laughed merrily as she pulled her wedding dress from the chest. She stood up, holding the dress tight against her body as she twirled around the room, giggling like a little girl. She remembered her wedding day, how excited and bright eyed she'd been. She remembered how glamorous she felt, all dolled up in that beautiful white dress. She remembered how she'd felt walking down that aisle, butterflies in her stomach as the world around her faded away, her attention focused solely on Iemitsu, looking so handsome up at the alter, his eyes on her and his gaze filled with awe and love and promises for their future. She'd been scared and excited and oh, so many emotions that she thought she'd burst as she prepared to give up her life, to go from being a girl to a woman, from a popular, pretty student to a young wife. But she knew if she was with Iemitsu, nothing could go wrong. They'd always make it.

She floated back to the chest; carefully folding the dress and tucking it safely back in the chest before her eyes went to the stack of letters that had been next to it. Her smile faded into a wry little grin. Love letters, full of romantic poetry and passionate declarations. Letters from Iemitsu had been a tradition from early on in their marriage as he often was away. She knew he had a job to do and she never complained, always putting up a cheerful front for his sake and for her child's sake. She'd never complain but sometimes she was just so angry at his stupid job and how long he was away from her. She missed him and nothing just felt right when he was away. And he'd been gone for so long. She'd almost forgotten what he felt like when he held her, pulling her into a smooth, slow dance as she made supper. What he smelled like, fresh and clean from the shower as he joked around with her. What he tasted like when he kissed her, soft and sweet before running off to play with Tsuna. She was starting to wonder, in her secret mind, if he'd forgotten her, if he'd ever come back to her. She just missed him so much.

Pulling her hands away from the letters, trying to distract her mind from that train of thought. Her hands settled on, pulling out of the chest a tiny pair of shoes, no bigger than her hand. She gazed down at them, remembering how proud Tsuna had been of having his own pair of dress shoes. 'Just like Daddy!' he'd told her, his little face breaking out into a wide grin as she'd put them on his feet, letting him clomp around the house in them. She hadn't been able to get them off him for days. He'd always wanted to be like Iemitsu when he was younger though he didn't like to talk about his father now. But he'd gotten his wish because he was like him. Just like Iemitsu, he'd been leaving her more and more lately, always seeming to come back scratched and bruised, sometimes with more serious injuries. And she'd always smile and laugh and try to be happy for him, but he seemed to hate her at times, just seemed to want to be anywhere else but with her. And she worried and fretted over him all the time and her heart broke every time she saw him hurt but she knew he didn't want her to fuss over him, to feel sad because of him, so she'd always choke back her feelings, putting on a happy face for him. Because that's what mother's did…but, gazing at the darkening sky, she almost cried. He still wasn't home and who knew what injuries he'd have when he did get home. "What are you doing, Tsu-kun?" she whispered out to the empty room, nothing but silence answering her.


End file.
